I have met with many people now who are new to their diagnosis of MPD
and one of their main concerns - which I also shared in my early stages
of therapy - is that their multiplicity is obvious to anyone who meets
them. TV and the movies have left us with the idea that switching between
alter selves is a dramatic affair, with marked changes in voice, appearance,
and behaviour. When most people think of multiplicity, they recall the
"classic" cases of The Three Faces of Eve and Sybil, where switching
was overt and noticeable, usually between a small number of selves who
were dramatically different from each other. However, these cases are
now considered representative of the minority. Perhaps one reason why
they were the hallmarks of MPD for so long is because of their overt nature.
The multiplicity of Eve and Sybil was impossible to avoid. More subtle
manifestations of multiplicity were missed. Because few multiples have
the Sybil-variety MPD, and because only those who did were diagnosed,
the condition was considered rare for many decades.
These days, therapists understand that multiplicity is a condition of
great secrecy, and most switching between alter selves is difficult to
detect, at least initially. Therefore they have become more alert, and
so better able to diagnose MPD even when it is covert. Unfortunately,
though, the popular perception of personality switches as being dramatic
and cliched continues. This may be because Sybil-variety MPD is better
television! But it has left multiples with two concerns. One is that,
if they're not like Sybil, they're not really multiple. The second is
that their swit-ching is as blatant as that which they see portrayed on
tv. This is a real problem because it keeps multiples embarrassed about
their multiplicity, isolated from other people, and feeling out-of-control
and over-exposed. Without exception, I have been able to assure people
that even I, a multiple myself, can not necessarily tell when they switch
selves. The difficulty is that, unless we are standing infront of a mirror
at the time and able to hold on to our own perceptions, we don't know
what we look like when we switch. It feels such a dramatic change that,
especially in the early days of our diagnosis, we are sure everyone around
us must have noticed.
There are two factors which influence whether someone will be able to
recognise multiples' switching. The first, most obviously, is who we switch
between. A change from one adult female self to another is generally not
going to be so extreme, depending on their similarities in character and
presentation. On the other hand, a change from adult to child self is
going to create a number of considerable differences that will be apparent
to most people - although this is hinges on how long the switch lasts
for, whether the child self speaks in her own voice or at all, and also
whether the observer believes in multiplicity and wants to accept what
s/he is seeing. The second factor is how well the observer knows you or
other multiples. It is usual for multiples to spend a number of years
in therapy and other health care systems and have no one notice their
multiplicity, until they meet a therapist who knows what to look for.
It is also usual for a therapist, friend, or partner to become more adept
over time at recognising switching and knowing who is "out"
without having to be told.
Sometimes, therapists and friends may have an inexplicable sense that
you have switched, even if there are no apparent changes, even during
a pause in a phone conversation. People talk about feeling a tingling
at the back of their neck, a shift in the air, or an instinct in their
minds or bodies, that alert them to a multiple's switching. What happens
is that the switching process affects energy levels and the subconscious
alignments between people. Most people, especially those who don't know
you are multiple, will not be aware of these subtleties of existence,
nor have any understanding why they suddenly feel "the atmosphere
change slightly" as you covertly switch. But people who are familiar
with multiples learn to pick up on these changes. Animals are especially
attuned to them, as any multiple with a pet will be aware. (It seems uncanny
sometimes to me how well my cats and dog know when I switch, and how they
change their own attitudes to accommodate the newly arrived person!)
So what does a multiple look like when she switches selves? There are
a number of characteristics that are affected by switching. However, it
is important to remember, as you read further, everyone is unique. If
your switching style is not accounted for, that does not mean you are
abnormal, non-multiple, or somehow "doing it wrong". There is
no wrong way!
Facial Changes:
The eyes are the windows of the soul, and more than one MPD psychologist
has lectured in lyrical depth about the eye changes that occur with switching.
They are generally insubstantial and indescribable changes, yet, at the
same time, very apparent. Just "something" in the eyes conveys
the new person behind them. Sometimes, a multiple's eyes will change colour
when she switches, from dark blue to light grey, for example - certainly,
this was well-noticed in me long before anyone knew I was multiple.
Other facial changes include a rearrangement of wrinkles and creases,
a shift of the jaw from underbite to overbite, and muscle tension/relaxation.
Skin may become flushed or pale. Even bone structure can seem to alter,
although in fact it is the mobile features (muscles, jaw, etc) being rearranged
that make it look like the bones themselves have moved.
Sometimes these changes can be very dramatic, and the multiple may end
up looking like quite a different person. In other cases, a subtle shift
in expression is all that indicates switching. It is also not uncommon
for multiples to keep their faces as still as possible during switching,
in an effort (conscious or not) to hide the change in selves.
Body Changes:
Switching is often accompanied by changes in posture, body language, and
physical gestures. This is especially the case if the alter self is locked
within memories of abuse, and holds their body as if the abuse is still
happening to them. For example, they may curl up, rock, pace, jam themselves
into a corner or under furniture, or go very stiff, experiencing themselves
as still living in the past time. But the re-enactments of abuse can also
be very subtle, such as massaging an arm that was broken in the past or
digging fingernails into skin to distract from painful thoughts.
Different selves also have mannerisms unique to them. One may be restless,
another languid, another physically expressive, another uptight with a
nervous tic - various traits of individual personality. Although the body
does not actually change in a real sense, different selves may arrange
it in a way that can really make it look like they have somehow shrunk
or increased in size. Child selves may appear to have difficulty getting
their feet to reach the floor. Angry ones may sit with such confidence
and force of presence that they seem to be six feet tall. There is also
often a change in selves' abilities to managed physical movement. Some
are incredibly strong and can lift things the body does not seem capable
of lifting. Some have a deftness not seen in any of the other selves.
And some limp, suffer paralysis in parts or all of the body, and have
tremors. A number suffer physical disabilities like mutism, deafness,
blindness, and being crippled. When tested, they maintain these disabilities
- in other words, they are not pretending, they genuinely can not see
or walk, even if their body is capable to doing so. In other cases, physical
changes are very subtle or non-existant. A number of multiples do not
have a close association with their bodies, and so do not really "wear"
it to any great extent; others have a specific alter whose job it is to
hold the body at all times, therefore maintaining a smoothness of physical
characteristics.
Voice and Speech Changes:
You would think that, since all selves inhabit one body, all would be
limited to the same vocal range. But there can be alterations in pitch,
volume, rate, manner of speaking, accent, language use, and vocabulary.
Child selves may use "baby talk" and the idiosyncratic grammar
of children who have not learned the proper use of tenses. Some selves
may have speech problems, such as stuttering or lisping. These changes
have been investigated with voice spectral analysis and it has been proven
that they can't be duplicated by actors. However, it is also true that
voice/speech changes are generally subtle enough that an observer who
was unaware of your multiplicity may not even pick them up.
Emotional Changes:
This is where switching is at its most obvious. Sudden changes in emotion,
especially when "inappropriate", often get multiples slapped
with the labels "moody" or "manic-depressive". Tears
that come and go in seconds, flashes of anger, and other abrupt changes
make it apparent to everyone that some kind of switch has occurred, even
if they do not know to call it MPD. However, multiples are not constantly
bouncing off the walls or flicking in and out of different emotional states,
and most changes blend in to the spectrum of "normal" behaviour.
The Switching Process:
Switching can take place instantaneously or over a few minutes. Usually
it begins with one slow blink, a number of rapid blinks, or an upward
roll of the eyes. Sometimes there is a muscular reaction, such as facial
grimacing, twitching, shuddering, or an abrupt shift in posture. In the
case of extended switches, a multiple may go into an unresponsive trance.
More rarely, switches may be violent and extreme, and look like seizures.
Both the trance episodes and the seizures mean that a false diagnosis
of epilepsy is given to a significant number of multiples.
Even before they know they have MPD, multiples can be very clever at
hiding their switching. They look away, lower their head, rub their hand
across their forehead or through their hair so their face is hidden for
a moment, and/or wait until no one is looking at them.
Typically following switching, the newly arrived self will orient him/herself
to place and time with small behaviours known as "grounding".
For example, she may clasp her hands, touch her temples, look around the
room, rearrange her posture, cough discreetly. Panic is rare since, after
all, multiples have been switching all their lives. If she meets a pregnant
silence which obviously indicates to her that the previous self was in
the middle of a conversation, she will make a casual comment such as,
"I'm sorry, could you say that again?" or "Where were we?"
to get the conversation back on track with minimum suspicion on the part
of the other person. It is easier than singletons would think to continue
talking eloquently about a subject you find yourself suddenly dropped
into!
Multiplicity is a highly adaptive mechanism, designed to allow the survivor
the best possible level of functioning. Thus switching generally happens
in a logical way and for good reasons. An alter comes out because s/he
is the most ideal one to handle what is going on at the time. It may be
because she is an expert in the circumstances (eg, a quick-witted alter
confronting a snarky shop assistant) or because she holds essential information
(eg, an alter who knows how to drive operating the car) or because her
inability to handle the situation is the best way to get out of said sit-uation
(eg, a scared child coming out, crying inconsolably, when everyone else
in the system wants to avoid a thorny question their therapist has just
asked). It is usually when the internal system is stressed or in some
kind of trouble that switching becomes problematic, with the wrong people
coming out uninvited, and the changes showing up more clearly as less
care is taken to hide the multiplicity.
Not Switching:
Most of the time, multiples actually do not switch overtly. Rather, we
commonly experience internal switches where selves influence our feelings
and actions rather than coming "out" to take full control of
the body. This creates sensations like hearing words coming out of your
mouth that don't belong to you, seeing the world as if you are taller
or shorter, having someone else's feelings and thoughts overlapping your
own, and so on. This covert, behind-the-scenes action is usually hard
for anyone on the outside to notice (although experienced therapists will
often say things like "Is there someone behind you right now?",
sensing the hidden influence). For this reason, multiples can realistically
go for decades with no one, including themselves, being aware of their
MPD.
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If
you are going to work with ritual abuse survivors, you must also get educated
if you want to be effective. And you must learn to be humble. Trauma survivors
do not need to be around ignorant, modern-day Pharisees. Survivors in
pain need people who will connect with them on an emotional level, get
right down in there where they are, and listen. --Kathleen Sullivan